So on Friday, "Avengers- Age of Ultron" finally comes out in theaters. It will culmination of the Marvel Cinematic Universe so far. With the announcement of the MCU finally taking hold of the "Spiderman Franchise" things are definitely looking up for the Marvel Universe.
Now, it's time to rank the movies so far, because why the fuck not, right?
(This isn't a best to worst list because there is no "worst" marvel movie, this is a strong to strongest list)
10. Thor
Okay, I'm going to be up front about this. Thor is my least favorite avenger. He's to goddamn handsome and talks to much like he's in the lord of the rings for my liking. I dug the Shakespearian take on the whole story. But seriously, fuck off Thor. Go look for smeagol and the precious. Natalie Portman is MINE.
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| *Insert heart eye emoji here |
9. The Incredible Hulk
Due to the full-on uncredited re-write of the movie by Ed Norton, this movie turned from a "soft sequel" to the shitty Ang Lee Hulk movie, to a re-boot set in the MCU. It was good, and the fight scene in Harlem was bad ass. But it would be ranked higher if either Norton stayed on, or Mark Ruffalo stared.
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| Hulk needs a squatty potty so he can have better evacuations. This will cause some major 'roids. |
8.Thor-Dark World
Fuck I really don't care much for Thor. And this is me, low balling movies with Natalie Portman in them. But of course she'd fall in love with that handsome bastard and not me.
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| My you have a handsome bosm. |
7.Captain America- The First Avenger
This movie is really entertaining, and sets up a lot of back story for the MCU as a whole, and also spawned a TV series. But, it's not as entertaining as the rest of them. And didn't like Steve pre-super solider serum, look like the kid from Road trip?
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| In what was the first ever "crossover" scene, Storm from the X-Men (who let herself go a bit) hooks up with Steve Rodgers pre-captain. |
6. Ironman 3
I fucking LOVED this movie. It was bad ass, and is a major set up for the event in Age of Ultron. BUT a lack of AC/DC disappointed me. And Tony Stark calls a young child a pussy. Fucking kids.
5. Ironman 2
A lot of people are split on whether or not they like this one. It's very solid and it is an important part of the avengers back story and the MCU as a whole. On a side not, this movie made me very much want to put my pepper, in pepper potts, pott. (get it?)
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| Ms. Potts, are you trying to seduce me? |
4.The Avengers
The ultimate super hero movie. For the first time, what us comic book fans always dreamed about happening, HAPPENED. Nerds around the world did everything they could to keep their pasty white dicks in their pants while watching this movie. But honestly who has a tan dick anyway? Probably nobody, unless you put that fake lotion on it, but that could get strange. Unless strange is what you're looking for. Then I'd suppose you could kill two birds with one stone and use it as your jerk Loit' (low-sh). Take your beautiful tan dick out, and fap away to the awesomeness that is the Avengers. (Even though it was kind of slow getting to the action)
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| This is a real thing. Chyna plays the hulk. |
3.Captain America- The Winter Solider
ON YOUR LEFT. Finally, Cap had a chance to not look like such a douch-puss for a change. This was more of a government spy thriller than a comic book movie. And Scar-jo is the really star of this movie. When the fuck is Black Widow getting her own movie? You think in real life, sexy russian assassins wear tight ass leather jumpsuits and beat ass? That's the world I like to believe exists out there.
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| Yes. I realize this post has devolved into something very pervy. |
2.Guardians of the Galaxy
This was the most fun anybody had at the movies last summer. And it might have been the first MCU movie to have a full on semen joke "The black light jackson pollock joke" and as the hero defeated the main villain, he called him a bitch.
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| we are groot |
1.Ironman
if it wasn't for this, there would be no others. First of all, Robert Downey Jr. is Tony Stark. Secondly, The Dude was a pretty solid villain, and lastly it's just a fun fucking movie that started this all.
In closing, I think I threw my nerd dick and my perv dick right out on the table with my first post, so be prepared for more of these fucking things. Also I have horrible spelling and grammar, so fuck me right?
As Eric the actor said
goodbye for now
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