Warning: This "review" may contain spoilers, but I'm not sure yet because I haven't determined what I'm writing about yet. That's a risk you have to decide whether or not you're willing to take.
Is your name Stephen Hawking? No? Well then you may want to bypass "Interstellar" when it hits Netflix, because that's who this movie was presumably made for. Maybe I'm just a complete idiot, but seriously, WTF? If you plan on watching this movie, remove your brain ahead of time so that when it explodes, at least your face will still be in tact.
As you can see, the movie stars Matthew McConaughey who is the absolute man. After his portrayal of Rustin Cohle on "True Detective," the dude can do no wrong in my book. His co-star is Anne Hathaway from "The Devil Wears Prada," or, as I now like to refer to her, "The Devil Wears a Lesbian Haircut Very Poorly." Basically here's the story: Earth is doomed, we've destroyed the environment, blah blah blah, and now the two of them have to travel to another galaxy to try to find an inhabitable planet to save the remainder of the human race. Michael Caine is the driving force behind this mission. Michael Caine is the sweetest old British man ever, but he's kind of a dick in this movie. Oh, and it's directed by Christopher Nolan (The Dark Knight, Inception, Memento) who I'm also a huge fan of. So what's the problem?
The problem is that I'm a normal person. I don't understand space and time. I barely understood "Star Trek" which talks about black holes for like 5 minutes. "Interstellar" spends two hours and 45 minutes referencing every astronomical phenomenon that's ever been discovered. I don't even know if I'm using these terms correctly. Then Matt Damon pops up and he's a real shit head and now I have trust issues with the characters when the character dynamic WAS THE ONLY THING I THOUGHT I UNDERSTOOD.
At one point in the movie, McConaughey is just chilling in space, just him and his cracked space helmet, and he lands in a book shelf. But not just any book shelf, a fifth-dimension book shelf. You know what three-dimensional is, right? Like something that isn't just flat. It has length and width and whatever the third dimension is. Well add two more dimensions to that. What are those two dimensions? Great question, I don't have a clue. Plus, this movie made me cry like three different times which is just bullshit. I'm crying over shit that I don't even understand. I think I have my period.
And last, but certainly not least, I got very angry reading the user reviews on IMDB. Everyone just talking about how amazing it is because everyone else is saying how amazing it is. Did Christopher Nolan direct the shit out of it? Of course. Was it emotional? Unfortunately, yes. Was it intense? Sure was. Was the cinematography breathtaking? Aboslutely. But HOW CAN YOU IGNORE THE FACT THAT YOU DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT? And spare me the lies, you didn't understand it. Wait, did you? Seriously, did you? Please explain it to me...Somebody...please...
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